Here are my top 5 things to tie up before you tie the knot….
Proposal is accepted, loved ones informed, your getting married! How exciting! This is the time you have been waiting for, your chance to plan a day to celebrate your love. Right?
The truth is most people enter into an engagement with a naïve view of what is going to happen over the next several months. Our lenses are usually rose colored from watching far too many romantic comedies and reading novels that are at the very best…. Predictable.
Here are 5 steps you can take to enhance your chance at not only a positive and enjoyable engagement, (yes! it IS possible) but also to enter into a conscious marriage. Ps. if you have to ask what a conscious marriage is… This blog might not be for you.
1. Complete with your ex/exes.
Seems like a no-brainer but it is amazing to me how many people/clients I know that are still engaged (energetically) with their ex. What does this look like? Messaging, calling or hanging out with your ex. Even going as far as to help them out with certain things around the house. Hmmm. If this is the case, then why are you not together anymore and how does your current partner feel about this connection? While it is healthy to maintain a ‘friendly’ approach with our exes, putting energy into maintaining a friendship could be holding your back in your current relationship.
Yes. I know but YOUR ex is an exception, it is possible to be friends with them AND be committed to someone else.
Sure. Let me know how that works out. More often than not, it only creates tension and issues in the current relationship, no matter how confident people are. Bottom line is, cut the tie and move on. Where attention goes, energy flows.
2. Disclose any and all secrets or withheld information that could in fact change the nature of your relationship.
Whoa! Scary right? Sure it is, but you know what is scarier? Getting divorced in 6 months to a year after you put your entire savings account not to mention your time and energy into your wedding day.
IF there are things that you have withheld from your partner that could indeed change your relationship, then now is a perfect time to clean it up. This could be a tiny white lie or a monumental ethical disaster, either way, entering into your marriage vows with this holding energy is not only hypocritical but just downright irresponsible.
3. Stop leaking sexual energy all over the place
You know that girl at the coffee shop you flirt with every morning while ordering your triple shot Americano? Or that cute guy you share the elevator with every night after work? Or the delivery -man that you always check out and flirt with? Well guess what? You’re leaking sexual energy and just like a tire with a slow leak, it will get you nowhere.
If you’re current partner is not worth harnessing all of your sexual energy for, then perhaps it is time to re-consider your next step. If you are throwing around your special attention like confetti, you may find yourself in a situation at one point that is beyond the will power you have.
Flirting is the act of sending a message that says, “Hey! I’m available!” If your not, then your living a lie, and this is not what you want to bring with you into your marriage.
4. Ask yourself the question, “How do I represent my relationship in public?”
This one goes hand in hand with number 4 but takes it one step further.
How you behave ‘out there’ is what you bring back into your relationship energetically and psychically. If you are not respecting your partner enough to behave in a way that is loyal and trustworthy, then perhaps you are not ready to commit to marriage.
Here a few key questions to ask yourself that will assist you in keeping in integrity to your relationship.
a.) Am I behaving in a way I would want my partner to behave?
b.) Am I representing the true nature of my relationship, being trust and loyalty?
c.) What message am I putting out there with my behavior?
5. Be aware of your ‘deficits’ and issues and do the work!
Our work as conscious individuals is never done, but this is never an excuse to not starting.
Expecting our partners to fill us up or be our ‘everything’ is unrealistic.
It is our responsibilities as adults to realize the areas that we struggle with in relationship, whether it is reactivity or blocks to moving forward.
Our partners are not our therapists, not are they our parents, and while it is healthy to have open and honest communication with them, we cannot assume they are there to process our emotional heavies.
Start doing some exploratory work, BEFORE you say I do. There is no shame in it and it will only strengthen what you already have. Afraid that if you start you will discover you’re not happy with your life?
Then there is not time to waste, start now so you can make the changes necessary for you.
If you are ‘whole’ going into marriage then your not ‘sucking’ your partner dry with your neediness. Your chances of a long and healthy marriage increase dramatically.
While there is no right way to be human, there is always a more conscious way. Marriage is not a joke, it is a sacred act between two spirits that want to join on a life journey and it should be taken seriously.
We take time to prepare for many other things in our lives that matter much less, so why not take some time to honestly prepare for one of the most important things you will ever do?
Great relationships and marriages don’t just happen; they are a result of conscious effort, and a consistent awareness.