I lived for many years,about 35 of them to be exact, believing that to get through or be thriving in life, I needed to protect and harden my heart.

I was convinced that vulnerability was a fate worse than death and torture and that to be successful in any way, I needed to toughen up.

So I proceeded to be inauthentic in relationships, simply saying what the other person wanted to hear, to avoid conflict, or on the other end of the spectrum, arguing with anything they said simply because I could.

I practiced any talk or workshop I would hold so that if there was anything emotional I might get ‘caught up’ on, I would eliminate it or practice it enough that it became script.

I opened up to no one in a real way and began to master the art of at least looking like I had it all handled. It worked, for quite some time.

What a hoax. When I think now of the enormous amount of energy I channelled into living a lie, I feel ill on a physical level.

When I remember how hard I worked to stay protected and in defense mode, I am amazed at how I was able to maintain any sort of existence.

If sadness creeped in, I stuffed it, with food, alcohol, people, you name it, as long as I did not have to feel vulnerable, I was golden.

I am happy to say that my path, despite myself, has led me to a place of discovery that I feel beyond blessed to be in.

Over the last few months in particular I have found myself living in a constant state of wonder and amazement.

I have somehow landed in this place of beauty that invokes in me the deepest sense of love and acceptance I could ever fathom.

I believe this  miracle to be largely due to the amazing  humans I am surrounded by. These potent, loving, accepting, trusting, reliable beings that when I am around them I feel….. whole, safe and loved, unconditionally.

Something started to happen when I was in this energy… I started to soften, to open…. to talk about some things that hold great sadness and pain for me.

I would struggle with the old feeling of needing to close up, but continued to step into the uncomfortable (to put it mildly) process of being vulnerable. I began to speak my truth, some of it sometimes, all of it other times, and magic happened.

I noticed that the more I spoke my truth, no matter how raw, the more I was held in this and the easier communication became.

My relationships have deepened, I have attracted new light beings into my life that have done nothing short of assist me in an epic transformation.

The people I am authentic with become vulnerable also, we can hear each other, relate and grow.

I am able to look around me and see the divine miracle in everything…. ok not so much in people that insist on not using their blinkers, but everything else.

Every tear, every cloud, every smile, hug, tragedy and kind gesture, I see them for the miracles they are.

I am able to look behind me in gratitude and ahead of me with grounding and centeredness that is based on nothing outside of myself.

I feel at the centre of my being a strength that is not only related to my vulnerability, but IS my vulnerability.

Years ago when one of my teachers quoted to me “Your strength lies in your vulnerability” all I could think was “ I want my money back.”

Today, in this moment I totally understand, on every level, in all dimensions, that a life with an open heart, creates an open mind.

In this, I have been able to let go of judgments that kept me isolated, accept myself in all of my imperfections and truly, truly feel joy that I never thought possible.

I am blessed in this life, with friends that consistently wrap their arms and hearts around me,even when I am being cranky or cantankerous.

With a son who I feel fortunate to  laugh with, adventure with and see on a soul level. With work that fills my heart and lifts my spirit in service in a way that heals me and fulfills me.

With people that support me when I am in need or in subtle ways that I am beyond grateful for.

I know, none of this would be accessible had I not moved into being vulnerable, opened my heart and sat in what felt like the largest risk I have ever taken.

As long as I live, I vow never to close myself off again or to live in an state of protection that keeps me small and alone.

In this life it is my wish, for all of us, to walk , head held high, in grace, speaking our truth, hearts in hand.



 


Comments

04/10/2016 12:49pm

Thank you for sharing this post with us,

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For me, vulnerability that only your friends and family can see is perfectly fine. They will understand where your highs and lows are. It's okay for them to see you sad or angry. It doesn't mean that you are weak. It only shows people that, however strong or smart or special you are, you are still a human. A human who can still feel emotions. Well... that's how I understand vulnerability.

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06/20/2017 12:15am

I like it and I totally agree with you! In life, we should not fake ourselves just to benefit other people, if we would just open our hearts and accept who we are then it would be easier for us to let other people into our lives. Sometimes we isolate ourselves in the thought of not being perfect that results in faking ourselves, we can't do what we want to do because we think that we are going to be judged by other people, but in fact you don't need to think about them, it is your life and no one should dictate and tell you what to do. Thank you for this post, you are an inspiration!

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04/28/2016 2:02am

The truth is that all sorts of things can get packaged up as a 'kindness', when they actually aren't.

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05/05/2016 11:41pm

When you go for traveling you find so much hurdles in that but you have a wish to make your adventure best. This family shared so much beautiful places and flashes with us.

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05/07/2016 5:04am

An open mind means a mind that is open not to indoctrinate, but for self-knowledge of the world and interaction with the surrounding reality. An open mind asks of reality, what it is, instead of to impose ready-made answers.

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05/24/2016 12:37am

I've read a quote from David Levitham's book, Another Day, which states “It's hard to be supportive when you have no idea what you're supporting., It's hard to be there for someone when he won't let you know where he is.” When you want to find warmness amidst the coldness of your heart, you have to let somebody or someone in. I think people shut wear a mask in every day of their lives because they're afraid that no one will ever care or ever understand their storm. No one will dare bother top look behind the mask. But that's wrong. In order to be understood, you should make them understand by showing the ral you. It doesn't have to be all at once and it doesn't have to be shown to everyone. One person and one moment at a time will suffice. Do not deprived yourself with all the love people can give you and you can give back. Remember, “Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”

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06/02/2016 12:42am

This is a very useful post, thank you! I agree that innovations are the most important thing for most businesses, because with today’s fast changing world we need to stay on top of the changes, if we want to survive.

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06/07/2016 5:41am

In fact no matter if someone doesn’t know then its up to other people that they will assist, so here it happens.

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07/05/2016 12:44am

I believe that miracle too :)

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07/06/2016 10:16am

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07/12/2016 5:58pm

Vulnerability is one the idiosyncrasies we humans have to treasure. These teach us to be humble in many ways. It makes us realize that we are not the perfect being that had existed in this world. We all have our own vulnerabilities that make us unique in our own little ways. These become the mark of the time and space that we occupy in this universe, making us thereby significant.

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07/20/2016 3:40am

Nice post! Thanks for sharing your feelings.

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Speech recognition software is a time saver for those that spend time online writing for money. There are some useful products on the market as well as software built into most computer operating systems. using speech recognition software saves time which equates to more money for you.

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04/26/2017 10:20pm

Keep it up.

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05/01/2017 10:55pm

Nice sharing for all the users.

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An open mind means a mind that is open not to indoctrinate.

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05/14/2017 10:49pm

Open heart could lead you towards open mind.

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05/15/2017 12:35am

These both things are interrelated to each other.

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05/16/2017 10:29pm

Nice post.

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05/21/2017 10:49pm

Keep posting.

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    Angela Clark

    Angela Clark is a Metaphysical counselor/facilitator and licensed ceremony officiate at Rights of Passage Counseling and Ceremony Services. 

    Angela assists & guides individuals, couples & groups using holistic, metaphysical and some conventional tools gain more authenticity and love in their lives.

    She believes that empowerment is everyone’s birthright and by accessing our true essence, our lives can become a symbol of our authentic selves.

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